Swinger glossary
Swinging Terms Explained: From Soft Swap to Unicorn
Soft swap stops short of sex and full swap goes all the way. Here's the rest of the lingo, in plain English.
Read any profile like a regular
Swinging runs on shorthand. A profile that reads "MF, soft swap, same room only" says more in six words than most bios manage in sixty, once you can read it.
Get a term wrong and you might offer a couple something they never asked for, which is a quick way to get blocked. The words below are grouped as you'll meet them, and where a term has its own page or one of our swinging guides, we link to it.
The basics every swinger knows
The lifestyle
What swingers call the swinging scene, sometimes "the alternative lifestyle". Being in the lifestyle means you swing, or at least move in swinging circles.
Swinging
When a committed couple share play with others, side by side and with everyone's agreement. Our guide to what swinging is covers the full picture.
Vanilla
Ordinary or conventional: sex without the extras, or anyone outside the lifestyle. It's a label, not an insult.
Open couple
A couple who agree that each of them can have other sexual partners while staying together. Open partners often play separately, where swingers play side by side, and some people use the term for any non-monogamy, so ask.
Polyamory
More than one serious relationship at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It's about love and commitment; swinging is about play.
Soft swap, full swap and how far play goes
Soft swap
Play with another couple that stops short of full sex, such as kissing and touching. It's a common first step for swinger couples, and some couples stay soft for good.
Full swap
Going all the way with someone else's partner, agreed by everyone in advance. When a profile says "soft only", take it at its word.
Same room
Both couples play in the same room, within sight of each other. Newcomers like the reassurance, and plenty of couples find watching half the fun.
Separate room
Partners split up and play out of each other's sight. It takes more trust, so couples usually save it until they've played together a few times.
Parallel play
Two couples in the same room, or even the same bed, each playing only with their own partner. Nobody swaps; the charge comes from being so close.
Threesome (MFM or FMF)
Three people playing together. Profiles write the mix in letters: MFM is two men and a woman, FMF two women and a man.
Foursome
Two couples playing together, soft or full swap, usually in one room. The classic swinging set-up.
Safe word
A word agreed in advance that stops everything at once, no questions asked. Pick one that would never come up by accident; our guide to swinger etiquette has more.
Unicorns, bulls and hotwives: who's who
Unicorn
A third who plays with both halves of a couple. On swinger profiles it usually means a single bisexual woman, and the name is a nod to how hard the right one is to find. Start with how to find a third.
Bull
The third a couple chooses for hotwife or cuckold play, usually a single man. A good bull is confident, discreet and sticks to the couple's rules.
Hotwife
A woman who plays with other men with her partner's encouragement. It's built on pride, not humiliation: he's an equal partner in it, and often enjoys watching.
Stag and vixen
Lifestyle slang close to hotwifing. She, the vixen, plays with other men; he, the stag, encourages it, and she comes back to him afterwards, often with every detail.
Cuckold
In the lifestyle, a man turned on by his partner playing with someone else, with his full consent. For some couples it carries a submissive edge, which is what sets it apart from hotwifing.
Throuple
Three people in an ongoing relationship together. A threesome is a night; a throuple is a commitment, closer to polyamory than to swinging.
Voyeur
Someone who gets a thrill from watching. You watch only where watching is welcome, and never join in uninvited.
Exhibitionist
Someone who enjoys being watched, and plays where watchers are welcome, never in front of anyone who hasn't chosen to look.
Clubs, parties and meets: where swingers play
On-premises club
A swingers club with rooms or areas where couples can play, alone or with others, on site. Our guide to swingers clubs covers joining and your first visit.
Off-premises club
A venue or club night where swingers meet, dance and flirt, with nowhere to play on site. Anything more happens later, somewhere private.
Play party
A term borrowed from the kink scene for a private party where guests socialise and can play under the host's rules. Nobody has to play, and nobody touches without asking. See how swingers parties work.
Meet and greet
A relaxed social, often in a bar or hotel, for meeting swingers face to face with no play at all. A good warm-up for your first swinger meet.
Playroom
A room at a club or party set aside for play. Some are open to all, some have doors that lock, and each has its own house rules.
Profile shorthand, decoded
ENM
Ethical non-monogamy: the umbrella for any relationship where everyone openly agrees to sex or love with more than one person. Swinging, open relationships and polyamory all sit under it.
MF, MM and FF
Who a couple is: a man and a woman, two men, or two women. You'll see them in a profile's wish list, as in "MF seeking FF".
Bi-curious
Interested in trying play with someone of the same sex, without a settled label. Ask what it means to them rather than assuming.
Writing your own profile? Our swinger profile tips show how to say what you want, and what you don't, so the right people reply.
Swinger lingo, quickly answered
What is the difference between soft swap and full swap?
Soft swap means playing with another partner but stopping before full sex. Full swap goes all the way. Plenty of couples start soft and some stay there, so if a profile says soft only, never push for more, in messages or on the night.
What does unicorn mean in swinging?
A unicorn is a third person who plays with both partners in a couple, most often a single bisexual woman. Couples who treat her as a guest with wants of her own, not a prop for their fantasy, are the ones she says yes to.
What is a bull in swinging?
A bull is the man a couple brings in for hotwife or cuckold play. He plays with the woman while her partner looks on, joins them or waits to be told about it, and the couple sets every rule before anyone meets.
What is the difference between a hotwife and a cuckold?
Both involve a woman playing with other men with her partner's blessing. A hotwife's partner takes pride in it as an equal. A cuckold enjoys the same thing from a more submissive angle, and for some couples a little humiliation is part of the fun.
Now you know the lingo, go and play
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