Soft swap
Kissing, touching and flirting with the other couple, stopping short of going all the way. It's where a lot of couples begin, and some never want more.
Couples meeting couples
Swinger Couples: Meet Couples Who Want to Swap
More than 1,900 couples are on Find Swingers. Make a joint profile, say how you play and find the couple you both want.
The couple swap you've both been talking about
Couple swap is two couples meeting, flirting and, when all four want it, playing together. You set the terms: soft swap or full swap, the same room or separate ones. Find Swingers is a couples dating site built for exactly that, with more than 1,900 couples among its members, plus single women and men for the nights you'd like a third.
New couples tend to arrive with three questions. How do we find a couple we both like? Who sends the first message? What if one of us has second thoughts? Each has a straight answer, and none of them is "just go for it".
Your rules
Play exactly as far as you both want
There's no set menu in swinging. Four phrases cover what most couples agree on, and our guide to swinging terms explains the rest of the lingo.
Full swap
You each go all the way with the other couple's partner. Agree the details first: condoms, anything off limits and whether you stay in sight of each other.
Same room
Both couples play side by side, close enough to see and hear each other. Many couples find that reassuring early on, because nothing happens out of sight.
Separate rooms
Each new pair goes off alone. It asks for more trust, so it usually comes later, once you know the other couple well.
When all four of you click
Here's the part nobody puts on a profile: for a swap to work, all four people have to fancy each other. Three out of four happens a lot, and it isn't enough. One lukewarm person turns a hot night into a polite one.
So read both halves of every couple's profile, then ask yourselves separately, before either of you replies: would I, and would you? If one of you hesitates, pass politely and keep looking. There's no prize for talking yourselves into a maybe.
A joint profile other couples want to answer
Your profile has to win over both halves of every couple who finds it. Make it sound like the two of you.
Write it together
Both of you should write it, or at least read and approve every line. A profile that sounds like one keen partner and one passenger puts good couples off straight away.
Agree on the photos
Choose pictures you're both happy with and decide together how much of your faces to show. Nobody sees your real names, just the username you picked and your nearest town.
Say how you play
Soft swap or full swap, same room or separate, couples only or open to a single: say it plainly so the couples who want the same can find you. If a third is on your wish list, read how to find a third.
Decide who does the talking
Agree whether one of you handles messages or you share them, and sign off as both of you. When you write to another couple, talk to both of them, not just the one who caught your eye.
Our swinger profile tips have more ideas.
Make the first meet just a drink
Meeting another couple for the first time puts nerves on both sides of the table, even for couples who've done it before. Keep it simple.
Neutral ground
A lively bar or a hotel lounge that isn't on anyone's doorstep. Arrive separately and make your own way home.
No expectations
Agree in advance that it's a drink and nothing more. If the spark is there, there'll be another night, and everyone relaxes knowing it.
A code word
Pick a word or a signal that means "time to go". Either of you can use it, and you leave politely, saving the debrief for later.
Two yeses or a goodbye
On the way home, ask each other one question: would you see them again? Two yeses earn a second meet. Anything less is a friendly goodbye.
Our guide to your first swinger meet goes into more detail.
Stay close while you play
Set your limits before you meet anyone: at home, sober, with nobody else's feelings in the room. What's a yes, what's a no, and what's a maybe that needs a look across the room first?
Check in after every meet, including the ones that went perfectly. Over coffee the next morning, talk through the moments you enjoyed and anything that stung.
Jealousy shows up even in couples who've swung for years. When it does, say so without blame, then slow down or change the plan rather than pushing through. Swinging works when the two of you come first and the swap comes second.
New to all of this? Start with our beginner's guide to swinging.
Swinger couples close to home
Most of our couples live in these three countries:
- Swingers UK More than 1,200 couples
- Swingers Australia More than 350 couples
- Swingers USA More than 190 couples
There are couples in Canada, Mexico, Colombia and Spain too, and our places pages show where all our members live. When you're ready to meet in person, a swingers club or a private swingers party is more fun when you walk in with a couple you met here first.
Couple swap questions
What is couple swapping?
Two couples agreeing to swap partners, for one night or as a regular thing. In a soft swap you stop short of going all the way; in a full swap you don't. It can happen side by side in one room or in separate rooms, and all four people agree the details before anything starts.
Where can couples meet other couples?
Online is the easiest place to start. On Find Swingers you can browse couples, see what they're open to and message them, while VIP members can narrow the search by city, distance or experience level. A first drink is the usual next step, and plenty of couples go on to clubs and parties together.
Is soft swap a good way to start?
For a lot of couples, yes. You get the thrill of another couple without crossing every line on the first night, and you can move to full swap later if you both want to. Agree beforehand exactly what soft swap means to you, because every couple draws that line somewhere slightly different.
What if one of us gets jealous?
Stop, talk and slow down. Jealousy is information, not a disaster: say what set it off, without blame, and change the plan until you both feel good again. Plenty of experienced couples leave a gap between meets for exactly this reason. The two of you come first, and the next meet can always wait.
Find the couple you'll both want to see again
Build your joint profile tonight and see which couples near you are up for a swap.
Meet them now